10 things I WON'T miss about being pregnant

So, I already recounted all the possible ways I could possibly miss being pregnant. That was a tough list to come up with ten things because I'm sure it'll all boil down to it being a simpler, sweet time where baby was in my belly. Now that baby feels like he is actually rearranging my internal organs, I'm ready to list all the reasons I won't miss this "beautiful" time!

1. I have never been so uncomfortable in my own skin, in several different ways. This started early on, surprisingly, even long before showing. In the first trimester, not much on my body was changing externally, but I felt like I had already gained about 15 pounds. The BLOAT was unreal. I'm sure I drove Marcus crazy telling him how fat I felt all the time, but water weight is just plain annoying. Now, my belly and abs feel so stretched that any bending or reaching make me feel like I might rip in half. Meal time?! Well, I'm ravenous, of course, but two bites in, and I might just die. Luckily, my husband is a bottomless pit and will eat any and all of whatever is left on my plate. Unless it's cauliflower.

2. The day Rhett is born will be the most beautiful day of my life, but only partly because of him. Really, I cannot wait to sleep on my stomach again! Even though I've been told by dozens of people that I'll never really sleep again (uhh.. thanks for the heads up? Not), I am still counting down the days until I can embrace that wonderful sleeping position again. Even if it's only for like 30 minutes at a time. I mean, my pregnancy pillow is great, but I'll be happy to store that sucker away from for a future pregnancy.

3. For the last month or so, and really beginning well before that occasionally, every twist or bend I make results in Braxton Hicks. Drop a spoon on the floor? Boom, let's see how tight this tummy can squeeze! Need to reach for your bottle of water? Not so fast, we're practicing contractions over here. Braxton Hicks are awesome in that they're like a warm-up for the hardest workout of your life, but they're also 100% a pain in the butt because it's an involuntary workout. I mean, my uterus has got to be like bodybuilder status by now.

4. Running while pregnant has been awesome. It's stabilized my mood so much that that alone makes it worth the extra effort, not to mention the physical benefits to both me and Rhett. But Lord my aching back! I will certainly not miss that familiar twinge in my back that only comes around to knock me off my runner's high.

5. Part of me wants to keep an actual tally of how many times I pee in a day, but the other part of me knows I don't feel like counting that high. I am an annoyingly hydrated person that, even when not pregnant, is the bane of any road trip or car ride. But now, it's really just a laugh-so-you-don't-cry level of ridiculousness with how often I need to pee. I will be so overjoyed to not be waking up 10 times in the night just because of this darn bladder.

6. Every kid at some point put a basketball in their shirt and said, "look, I'm pregnant!" Well, now I'd like to smack that kid and make him or her try to put their tennis shoes on like that. Long story short: it ain't pretty. At least a kid would have the energy it takes to persevere over that basketball belly and get the shoes on cause half the time, I give up midway through and slip on flip flops. Ya win some, ya lose some. Tennis shoes: we will meet again one day!

7. Have you ever seen the list of foods pregnant women shouldn't eat?! It's dizzying and absolutely mind-boggling. I cannot WAIT until I get to toss that mental checklist out of my brain and eat whatever sushi roll I want. Turkey sandwich? Well, yes please, cause listeria ain't got nothin' on me. Unpasteurized feta? Bring it on. Energy drink with 300 mg of caffeine? Party! Food restrictions are a necessary part of pregnancy, I get it, and I won't exactly go crazy while I'm getting back in the shape I want to be in, but really, I can't wait to kiss those restrictions SAYONARA.

8. If the only encounter you have ever had with restless legs is a prescription drug commercial, then give yourself a big fat high five and thank your lucky stars. Restless legs is one of the most unexplainable evils in this world, and I hope and pray I never experience another second of it. Science hasn't quite figured out an explanation for this one either, so good luck getting sympathy from your spouse when they aren't confident it's a real thing ;)

9. You know what I took for granted before pregnancy? Clothes fitting! I mean, I am all for the boho, flowy kind of look, but I really just look like a circus tent in oversized clothing right now... And as much as I want to retreat to the stretchiness of all things yoga pants, this bump is low. I mean, I am a walking billboard for anyone who believes you carry boys low because I can't possibly wear the waistband of my leggings low enough for them to still be called pants. I will be so pumped when I can just rock a pair of leggings again.

10. THE WORRY. Am I getting enough calcium? Did I do kick counts yesterday? Has he moved at all since I last ran? Am I eating too much? Am I eating too little? Did I read enough baby books? Did I pack everything I could ever possibly need in my hospital bag even though we live three miles from the hospital? Did I actually just touch a rogue piece of cat litter? Is 5 miles too much? How high is my heart rate? Could I be leaking amniotic fluid? Does this fish have high mercury content? Is my deli meat heated up to at least steaming my lips off?... I don't consider myself an anxious person in general. Sure, I'm a bit of a control freak, but I know how to relax. But dear Lord do I know how to worry about every little thing now! There's pregnancy shaming and mom shaming and basically everything you do is wrong, but really you should just do you and own it and not worry about the haters, but don't be a bad mom, either. I feel like everywhere you turn is a chance to just go crazy. But what a great lesson to actually learn. We all have a little compass inside of us and this has been a great time for me to hone the listening skills for mine, because I have a feeling I won't necessarily MISS the worrying associated with all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy, but I may even look back at this as an easier time with even less worry than the raising up of a young man.